


Take Me Home Now

by Bloogerstien



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-20
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-25 16:54:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7540540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloogerstien/pseuds/Bloogerstien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A continuation of the Female Shepard story. Destroying the Reapers was not the end of Shepard, but the journey back home is the longest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_“When this is over, I'm going to be waiting for you. You'd better show up.”_

  
    That was before, before the searing, the blood, and the pain that struck with each beat of her heart. Oh god, the blood was everywhere.  Each blink was a calculated risk of the blood threatened to cloud her vision; it meant having to stop find a clean, well clean enough, patch of skin to push the blood from her eyes. Each stop threatened with her body collapsing. Her knees buckled, forcing her to grasp an upturned concrete medium tightly until the tremor subsided.  Oh god, they were getting worse.

  
    Shepard had to keep moving.  
    To keep fighting.  
    They were waiting for her.  
    He was waiting for her.

  
    “You'd better show up, Alenko. I'm dying here, don't make me die here.” They would have been words if she could manage the strength to speak them. Instead, it became a silent anthem. Strength, hope, anything to make her scraped, bruised and battered body move against the screaming the nervous system made against it.

  
    _Eeeee_ , high pitched electric screaming flooded her headspace, _eeeee_ , her head swam. The jerking motions of her head frivolously searching for the flashbang was only damaging to her weakened state. She should not be alive. There was no way she could keep moving, yet she did. Tripping, stumbling and blundering her way through the unrecognizable streets and buildings of London. The warmth of the smashed Crucible fueling her away from what was a ticking time bomb.

  
    But it wasn't fast enough, and she was too weak, too fragile to continue. A clumsy boot caught the upturned slab of road, and down she went. Crying out as her knees absorbed the blow, her elbows proving to be weak breaks as her form collapsed against the warm concrete. This wasn't fair. She wasn't meant to die slowly. Watching the blood pool and congeal around her mouth. She wasn't supposed to be alone. Left without her squad, her friends, Kaidan...her home. She, if anywhere, was meant to die atop the burning Crucible... Dying like a hero, not out like a person forgotten...left behind.

  
    What she would give not to be alone, to have someone's hand to grasp as she slipped away.

  
    But fate always had a much longer, and frustrating plan for her- this time it is was in the form of a woman rushing to her side as consciousness fled from her body.

 

 

~~~   ~~~   ~~~

  
    The glow of the blue light was comforting, illuminating but not to the point of brightness. She had made it passed the initial fright of waking and now settled into calm once her situation had been reassessed.  The room was empty, but there were visible signs of another living in the room- a cot was lazily angled at the corner nearest her. Close enough to the patient, yet enough room for her rescuer to sleep without feeling watched by her patient. To further her privacy, a table was placed between the beds. Still littered with cups and rations. At least the rescuer was prepared.

  
    Her armour rested in the opposite corner of the room, cleaned. But the suit hardly looked it all torn and scratched, but still, it could serve well enough if she got in another fight. Well, at least she could get in another fit. Her head was tender, but that was the only complaint on her list. Outstretched her arm to inspect the damage; there was none. A quick run over her scalp revealed something that had changed. It was smooth. The urge to scream rose in her throat to be quenched by a sudden wave of apathy. It was just hair.

  
    “I do apologize for shaving off what hair you did have left, but most of it was badly singed.” The voice interrupted her from the soliloquies that must have last much longer than the Commander had realized.

  
    “I had meant to change it for years anyway,” the Commander dismissed.

  
    The older woman ignored her remark, taking a seat near her feet, “you're THE Commander Shepard, aren't you?”

  
    “That is a safe assumption,” pulling herself to sit upright with her words.

  
    “It's hard to tell without your red hair and that eye ca-.” the woman stopped, her demeanor turning from happiness to grief quickly.

  
    The Commander cleared her throat, “I'll let you in on a secret, I'm really a blond.”

  
    Years of well-intended crap through the military had spurred the change in hair color. Rather than being the dumb blond she could be the feisty red-head, which she had liked much better. People took her more seriously with red hair, and once she had reached Spectre status, the look had become her signature look.  None of her crew, even Kaidan, knew the original color of her hair. It was never a huge secret, just something that was now a part of her. Saving the world didn't allow all those little things to come to light.

  
    The woman smiled softly, but hesitated further, “I hate to ask something of you, but I did just use all of my medigel on you.”

  
    “When you put it like that, how could I say no?” Shepard gently teased.

  
    Saddened beyond belief when the soft clearing of Kaidan's throat did not accompany her blunt answer.

  
    “Well, let me start from the beginning.” Or course she would. “After the Reapers attacked Earth things have not been easy. I was the supply manager for a local hospital, so I knew where all of the medical equipment was. It kept me safe, but at a cost. When I found you, I was meant to deliver medigel to a gang of-” The woman searched for a suitable word.

  
    “Raiders? Thugs? Ruffians?” It wasn't hard to guess.

  
    “Yes, but I saw you. And, your tags said you were Shepard. Shepard the savior, and I knew you could help me.”

  
    “I don't see why you need my help,” she stated, peppered with a cross tone.

  
    “They took my son because I couldn't deliver, and now...now they are going to kill him,” the woman finished with a flurry of tears.

  
    “How long do we have?”

  
    “Tonight,” the woman sobbed.

  
    “Fuck,” swore Shepard. Give her a few hours and she would be ready, “how many hours?”

  
    “We have to leave now.”

  
    The Commander grunted, or no time was just excellent, “How many men?”

  
    The answer had her seeing red.

  
    Without an ounce of hesitation, Shepard pushed from the cot, eyeing her armour then the woman. Civilians did not belong in a firefight, but against odds she was unsure of she had to take any help. The deeper scan of the room revealed another pistol but her own. Testing the fabric bunched around her arm with a sigh, she looked at the woman.

  
    “Get in my armour, and grab that gun.”

  
    The march to the Raider hideout was a short one. Easy. Shepard was glad to find that her breathing and movements were unhindered and without any unusual stings of pain.  The woman following her had also proved adept at following instructions, luckily for them both, the months of lean allowed her to fit into her armour comfortably. A few inquiries later she had found the woman to be the same age as her, and her son was barely eighteen. She had the kid young, for all that had mattered to the mission presented. But even talk of the lady's child soon fell to the side as the hideout loomed closer. Shepard could not shake the feeling of dread that hounded her. But retreating was not an option it was not in her nature to abandon the person who had saved her, even if it was a suicide mission.

  
    Four lookouts taken down silently later had not managed to ease her nerves. The options were down to one of two doors, testing either for locks was pointless, they would be caught at that point. So it would have to be hard and fast. Unfortunately, that was difficult when she was completely blind to the layout of the room. Where was her son in the room? How many? What kind of fortifications? All important questions without answers.

  
    “Look, we have to storm the door. Stay behind me at all times; I can use barriers to shield myself,” but now came the most important part, Shepard made sure to look her square in the eyes, “I'm already going in blind, I cannot watch you. So stay on my six. No. Matter. What.”

  
    The woman nodded.

  
    Shepard moved toward the closest door, carefully watching each step to not alert the enemy to her presence.  Sidestep, sidestep, sidestep, and the familiar tingling of the energy field pooling around her. The droplet of red absorbing into the fabric covering her chest went unnoticed. Three fingers in the air for five seconds, each finger went down with the space of one second between them.

  
    Luckily, the door was unlocked.

  
    One thermal bullet, one man. As that man fell, Shepard busted into the building, taking a quick tactical appraisal of the building. It was almost pathetic; they were stationed in one large and open room. The hostage, designated by his bound nature, was in the far corner of the chamber. The other men were huddled around the table in the opposite end of the room, well were. They were all scattering for their weapons now. Shepard's next move would make it difficult for the woman beside her to keep up, but she had no choice in the matter. She had to strike while they were still in shock.

  
    Tendrils of energy snaked at lightning speed through her body, pulling the combined energy into the mass of her chest. Their table was close enough to not merit a full charge at the men who were now her targets. Running would get her there quickly enough. Additionally, her barriers were still full. If she could manage to decimate the men all at once she this would be over...without the loss of more thermal clips. She wouldn't need to worry about keeping up a barrier either. It was simple.

  
    Release coiled from her core outwards. It was sweet as any orgasm. Tingling and electrifying in one move, though the heat was quite different. It burned through the Raiders, engulfing each before they could manage to scream. The table was gone, submerged in the same nova of energy. Shepard slipped to the floor, sated.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~

  
    “Shepard? You are you serious, mum?”

  
    “Yeah, the tags prove it too.”

  
    “But how?”

  
    “Maker knows-”

  
    The room grew silent, then crashed into oblivion. Neither of the entrances had been barricaded, and the front door remained open. Shepard had enough time to roll out from being on her side -had she laid down?- before the ten more men filed into the room. Each carrying an assault rifle that was primed and loaded. Groggily she moved to her feet, needing the wall as support.

  
    “It's the bitch with the supplies!,” shouted the first man to survey the room, “and some friend she dragged along.”

  
    He didn't seem to mind the smoldering piles left behind from the corpses of his men. But the next man, taller and burlier than the rest frowned deeply. His steps were more confident, stronger.

  
    “'The fuck happened?” The questioned directed toward the woman who placed herself in front of her son. The struggling Shepard dressed in civilian clothes wasn't on his radar.

  
    “We're going to kill you,” the woman spat bravely.

  
    “Oh? How?” The barrel of his gun pointed lazily at her face.

  
    “Shepard's with us; she'll show-”

     The large man had quickly grown tired of her words. The smoldering bullet hole through her skull glowed as her body fell limp, the body of her son fell in line behind it. Now, Shepard was on his radar.

  
    The female scrapped at the wall, blue energy congealing beneath her fingertips as they dug into the wall. Tears forming to cloud her gray irises. No words, just horror. Mouth clamped shut to suppress any reaction, anything to give her away.

  
    Clip, clip, clip. The man stood before her, studying the shrinking female before him with disdain.

  
    “Shepard? What do you boys think?” the statement was obviously rhetorical, “you don't look like no Shepard to me. Shepard is dead. You're some bald freak trying to get pity. Pity won't cut it girly.” The still hot barrel seared into side of her skull

  
    He would never finish the statement- his spine snapped from the front as Shepard blitzed forward. Carrying his folded body with her as she trucked for the gaggle of men that stood across the room. Barriers refilled, and the Nova was again released. Swallowing each of the bastards into her azure wave of energy. If only it could swallow her too, but it didn't...it couldn't. It left her kneeling on the floor, alone again.

  
    But now, she could scream. Alone, she could scream. Blue tendrils wavered from her body. Illuminating the darkening room around her. Each shout fanning the blue flames with renewed vigor. Where was the Normandy? Why was she still here? Shepard didn't belong here; Shepard was nothing without her crew. Nothing, pointless, useless. She couldn't even protect these civilians against these...thugs. That wasn't who Shepard was; she didn't lose. Shepard didn't feel weak or have her ears explode on even the slightest provocation of her biotic powers. She sure as hell did not shudder as the thumping of gunfire surrounded her location.

  
    What was the point of fighting? The footsteps grew closer, then the gunfire stopped. The door swung open, the crisp air of the night flooded the room and blotched out the figures walking toward her. They looked over her, more preoccupied with the contents the room. Armour with white stripes...could it be? Shepard waited for one of the men to approach her, eyes focused on the three starred insignia on his chest.

  
    Slowly her vision trailed up, kind brown eyes met her gaze.

  
    “Get up, Soldier!”


	2. Almost Heaven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did borrow a line from Mass Effect Foundations.

Shepard's- no it was Smith's feet who dangled over the edge of the building. Grey eyes keeping an even view of buildings below her. Another convoy of supplies would be arriving within the half hour; it was Jane Smith's job to be the lookout for any Raiders who dared get too close to the Alliance troops stranded after the battle for the Galaxy. They had a simple goal, to re-establish supply lines and eventually communication to the rest of the Universe. Each soldier and civilian that had found themselves rescued or recruited were considered MIA. It had drawn the ragtag groups into a tight unit. In the months passing the Reaper's destruction had been silent, but all at once hellish.

  
    Not all soldiers had decided to remain with what little Alliance personnel remained, some had gone to a life of banditry. Gangs of humans, Krogans, Asari, and Turians banded together in their attempts to survive. But with some, they were xenophobic and cautious of any not of their own race. Perhaps it was just easier that way; it was easier to kill or steal from those one did not know. Food and medical supplies were short. Shorter when the few supplies that did trickle in were ransacked by greedy groups and individuals. This ragtag group was trying to stop that, to create some order out of the mess left behind from a costly and destructive war.

  
    Jane was glad to feel she was actively helping, rather than destroying what little of the galaxy remained to her.  The supplies incoming today would allow them to set up a fully functioning hospital. Already there was a promise of others coming from around the world to help them, those in the ground zero area. It was finally starting to feel like she could relax. The weather even cooperated, the usually overcast sky of London had parted the warm breeze invigorating.

  
    The cold tap on her shoulder was almost a surprise, but Jane knew to be at ease in this place. Her face slowly turned up to look at the man with warm brown eyes with a curious expression, darting between him and the bottle he held.

  
    “Beer?”

  
    “Yes, beer- but shh, my secret.” The Lieutenant settled in beside her, brushing a hand through his completely white hair.

  
    “If I didn't know better, I would think I was in trouble for something,” Smith snarked gently, cracking the lid against an exposed metal beam.

  
    “It's just a drink and a chat, Jane.” He always said her name with sarcasm. The first time he had said it his thick eyebrow had raised at her in disbelief. He never thought it fit.

  
    “Is that an order, Lt?”

  
    “Smith, I am sure you are higher ranking than me, but no. You're not here to be lectured; you're helping me drink beer. Now calm your ass down.” The Lieutenant returned her sass, chuckling from the corner of his mouth.

  
    “I've heard that before, now this is starting to sound more and more like a proposition” She put the bottle to her lips, slowly taking in the first sip of beer in at least six months. It wasn't as good as she had expected.

  
    The old man laughed between sips of his beer, “I'm far too old for that, plus I have an old lady waiting for me back home. Even if she doesn't know, I am still kicking.”

  
    “Oh?” she asked out of legitimate curiosity. It wasn't until recently that they had time to starting talking, at first talking had been a risk to survival. Now that they had a hold over a base, they could relax a little more. The Lieutenant, Lieutenant A, as everyone had exclusively called him was a father figure to many of the men and woman. An old Alliance soldier who had only reenlisted once Earth had been attacked and highest ranking of the men left alive. All but Shepard, but she had put that life behind her. They had bonded more recently than most, but stronger than most. She rose quickly to be the second under his command, even without an official rank to designate her to that position.

  
    “You know I reenlisted after the attack on Earth, I left her behind. Months of bad situations lead to months of silence. Once the Reaper's assaulted London, well, you have been with us through most of that. She probably thinks I'm gone...or worse.” He grimaced following his most recent swig of beer.

  
    “Sounds like we are both in deep shit once we get home.”

  
    The old man chuckled, again. “Where is your home?” He knew better than to ask about her romantic life, which had been long stonewalled away behind layers.

  
    “The deck of whatever vessel they assign me.”

  
    “Military brat?”

  
    “No, it didn't start that way. My parents were colonists- I learned to build houses, woodworking, plumbing... you name it,” she swallowed, the memories threatened on painful, “things went south, and the Alliance saved me. I joined as soon as I could.”

  
    The Lieutenant pretended to ignore her unusually emotional response; thinking it might scare her off, “I joined as an act of rebellion, but I made most of a career out of it. Eventually, I went back and settled. Married, had a kid. I can't wait to go back.”

  
    Jane smiled, that would be nice. “I only hope I can get that lucky.”

  
    “Lucky?” he pressed.

  
    “People around me have a tendency to get hurt, or worse,” she remarked stoically.

  
    “I doubt that.”

  
    “No, really,” taking a long drag from the bottle, “I think it is karma of some sort. For every choice that got someone killed. For how selfishly I have chosen.” Her answer danced between mirth and complete seriousness.

  
    “Did you do what you thought was right?”

  
    “ Sometimes. But it was always grey, too. A choice between two friends, there should be no wrong choice. But did it make it wrong to chose the one I had feelings for?”

  
    The Lieutenant thought for a while, “I don't think that situation had a right or wrong, just a hard decision. But Even the right choices have consequences. All that matters later is living with yourself.”

  
    Jane didn't have an answer or words. Busying herself with another pull from the bottle.

  
    “Besides, I don't think finding home is a terrible karmic imbalance.”

  
    “Maybe.”

  
    The Lieutenant laughed, but let silence lapse between them. Jane returned to scanning the horizon, a slow frown slowly formed on her lips after several minutes of near silence.

  
    “Seems a drink, can never be just a drink. I'll take point.”

  
    “Aye, aye.”

  
    “If that is your order, Lieutenant,” Shepard was good at forgetting her place regarding rank. Being the Commander was still natural to her.

  
    “Cut the shit, Recruit.”

  
    Jane grinned widely. The Lt readied his weapon.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
“They are either running out of men or getting stupid.” Jane's foot nudged over one of the three men they had spotted in the distance. She didn't like having to loot the men they killed, but it was a necessary evil to retain enough thermal clips to keep their weapons working.

  
    Her eyes left Lt A, to observe the rest of the quiet parking ramp. Pulling in a deep breath as she headed to look over the edge.

  
    “Or desperate,” the old man countered.

  
    “Desperate enough to face the mighty wrath of the Lieutenant and Smith?” Jane cajoled loudly, flexing her arms in a show of silly force.

  
    “I don't know if I like the cocky you. Or maybe it's because you were almost crying on my shoulder an hour ago,” The Lt challenged back.  
   

    “Suck my-”  
   

     _Phhewww_. The blast of red energy clipped the old man's shoulder, the force of his reaction knocking him to his feet. Quick to react, Shepard threw herself against a concrete divider. Once the gunners stopped firing, she peaked over the barrier, four men and a Krogan advanced up the ramp. Retreating down, she now searched from an exit. There was always up. If they could scuttle away quietly enough, they could dig themselves in better then take out the Raiders.

  
    Carefully she inched along the divider, nodding at the old man that moved to meet her in the middle- well before the entire universe decided it needed to dump on them. A group of twice as many men, and quadruple the Krogan rounded the corner from the upper ramp. In a move almost too bold Shepard grabbed the man, dragging him into a central aisle. This was just excellent.

  
    “I think you lead us into a trap, Lt,” Jane mumbled softly, glancing over the concrete barrier.

  
    “Me?”

  
    Jane snorted, “Can you shoot?”

  
    “I can't believe you are asking me that.”

  
    “You take the men moving up the ramp, I'll take the ones coming down.”

  
    The Lt nodded, and they traded places. Shepard was the first to start firing, three of the men went down with the first round. But returning to cover had come with a cost, as a streak of red light grazed her skull burning the hair with a sickening smell. The man looked at her to make sure she was okay, but with another nod both were again firing on their targets. Three more men dead, and a lucky grenade took out two of the Krogan leading to a much more successful round.  The next two rounds didn't go so well but managed to take out the last two men on her flank. Another round for each of the Krogan.  
   

    “I'm out!” The Lt cried.  
   

Out? They each carried ten rounds, much more than that only under dire circumstances. Granted the Krogan had turned out to be a worrying surprise. Jane rolled to her superior's side, peering over the edge to see two men and the Krogan remaining. A round for two men, one more emptied on the Krogan. But one was better than none.

  
    “Are you alright?” Shepard asked once she could finally keep up with her heartbeat.  
   

“Better than your hair.”  
   

“Fucking, again?”  
    “I can see why you were bald when we met.”

  
    “Just so you know, I never had this bad of luck before. Maybe I should just shave the sides like they did back in the 21st.”

  
    “I'm sure it would be dazzling on you,” at least the old man could still joke, for what that was worth, "if you can stand to disobey military regs.”

  
    “It wouldn't even make the list.”

  
    The Lt. believed her too.

  
    But the time for relaxing had already ended, the second wave of Raider's approached. The two looked at each other, not needing words to share the trouble that they were in. Again, it seemed, Shepard was left in a hard place. She did have on trump card that the Lieutenant or any of the other men didn't know about, biotics. She was just afraid to use them, as when she did time seemed to lose her. The private training practices would take hours from her, and at the best left her with a powerful migraine. Ones big enough that she would have to beg her way out of patrols, and that always meant questions. Too many questions. His look began to turn worried as he watched the wheels turn in her head, his hand reaching out to caress her knuckles softly.  The Lieutenant did not want her hurt.

  
    With a soft shake of her head, she dismissed his worried look, “Run.”

  
    The energy coiled naturally, easily as if the last half the year had contained daily practice of her enhanced powers. The blow glow surrounding her flared brightly, gathering as she hurled over the blockade. A pair of warm, worried and horrified brown eyes watched her barrel into the group of enemies without a second thought. Her mind was on one thing, not being the last alive. Not again. Even if it meant a reckless death. The group of four she collided with were dead or incapacitated for the time being. Covering herself as she fired away the last of the thermal clip she had remaining to her, but it was enough time to recharge and blast into another group of enemies.

  
    It wasn't as successful as the first charge; the enemies had time to scatter. So without much more thought, she detonated the full force of her barriers- that was much harder to escape. Nothing was held back and reserved for another move; that was her last move. A krogan just outside the blast radius was the first one to be brave enough to rush at the previously exploding biotic before him. _Come get me you big bastard._

  
    But fate always had a longer and much funnier road for her.

  
    Staring up at a Krogan was a decent way to go, Wrex would certainly be proud. But suddenly the creature was catapulted to the side. It was almost out of some old and corny comedy vid. The warping sound as the air was pulled into itself passed by her ear, causing Jane to turn on her heel sharply. A complete squad of armoured and ready young adults charged by her. Jane felt like she could collapse, and did.

  
    The Lt was on her in a moment, now dragging her into the sheltered parking garage.

  
    “Shit, Recruit. You've been hiding that from us for six months?”

  
    Jane giggled, placing the fleshy junction of her thumb and forefinger to her upper lip, “Come on, Lt. I thought it would kill me.”

  
    “I never thought I would see something like that again,” the Lt swore again, wiping away the water forming in his eyes, “you know I had a kid that had the same powers.”

  
    “Who's crying now, Sir?”

  
    The Lieutenant rolled his eyes, but his attention switched the man approaching them. His gaze had settled on the person, satisfied with the Alliance logo clearly on his armour.

  
    “Is everyone all right here?” The kid asked, raking a gloved hand through thick hair.

  
    “Biotics Division?” Jane questioned, trying hard to focus on the kid.

  
    The kids hesitated, that was classified information, “Yes?”

  
    “I knew one of your bosses kid- Kai- Kai-” Jane's words fumbled, cracking over the splitting screeching that filled her head. Her hands sought her skull to ease the pain, to make it stop. But her hands were frozen and unable to move.

  
    “Jane?” The Lt questioned, his eyes turning slowly to panic, “Jane!”

  
    Blood began to drip from her nose, and then her head drooped forwards. She felt the old man grip her shoulders; then all went black.

  
    “She's seizing! She's seizing!”


	3. Teardrops In My Eyes

“Lt! Lt!” Shepard shouted as she woke.

  
    But she was met with nothing but sideways stares, and few that shook their heads in her direction. The room around her was not completely silent, but machines beeped on all sides of her. Jane followed the flow of each wire to a central unit that hummed audibly. The beds around her were clean but thrown together with what could pass as a bed. Her own 'bed' was a counter but lined with a soft mattress. It was the softest thing she had slept on for months, and it was perfect.

  
    Her cut and filed nails massaged the grooves of her skull, investigating the cool air that assaulted her scalp. The fine and shaved hair felt like peach fuzz, all but the bumpy ring that sat just above her ear; it was calming to run her hands over. Until her hands felt the hard hairline width scar at the base of her skull, that was certainly something new. But all in all, she felt good. Better than waking up after healed by medigel, better than six months without biotics good. It was a get drunk and levitate with her biotics good. But dare she try?

  
    “I'm terribly sorry for having to shave your head,” the mellow voice making Shepard jump, “it must of come as quite the shock.”

  
    “What happened to me? Where is my squad,” Jane had more pressing concerns, than her hair.

  
    The half Hispanic lady chuckled musically, “Your implant was rattled. There was lots of other medical jargon, but that was all I could understand.”

  
    “I am healed?” Jane pressed.

  
    “Almost, but you need to rest,” the woman cautioned.

  
    Shepard did not need to rest in a hospital bed, “Fuck that.”

  
    “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?” Instead of the woman's voice alone, two echoed in one statement. A smiling female with a lopsided grin appeared from behind the woman at her bedside. Taping a data-pad against Jane's makeshift bedside. Earning a disapproving frown from the older lady.

  
    “I'm Reina, head medic of the Biotics Division,'” The smiling female continued, now tapping at the datapad as she studied the screen, “You were lucky we ran into when we did. Your L5n implant was severely damaged, somehow. So like any proper Vanguard you proceeded to overexert yourself until you began to have a seizure.”

  
    “That's easy to say to someone staying off the front lines,” Jane huffed, not liking the impetuous smile the youth so boldly flung at her.

  
    “I'll have you know I am Special Forces-” but Shepard was cutting her off right there.

  
    “Brave words for an N5.”

  
    Rather than be put off by Jane's crotchety remark, the girl chuckled, “But Mrs. A-,” Reina was cut off by another disapproving look, “Helen, was right. Your biotics need to remain offline for a couple of weeks.”

  
    “Fine, I can do that. But I can still aim a gun. I don't need to be wasting your time and resources,” argued Shepard.

  
    'Ahh, your Lieutenant said you might be like this,” Jane would need to sock him hard for slandering her name, and being right, “he said you need to stay, and that it was a cut the shi-....sherious order.” Reina expertly avoided the full glare of the woman beside her. “They will be with rest of Biotics Division. They are working on reestablishing communication and supply lines to ground zero. They will be back in a couple of weeks to resupply; then you might be able to rejoin them.”

  
    Shepard stay put, blah blah blah. She had much scarier people order her to stay put before.

  
    They would see how well it worked out for them.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
    Passed all the gruff she liked to show, she did try to remain in the hospital until she could no longer. To sate her desire to leave, she started stowing away portions of her add water meals. Then came the supplies. Slowly, but always careful to listen around to make sure that none of the supplies that she had stowed away were needed. She was not that desperate. Finding her weapon was harder, but doable. It meant convincing a young orderly to allow her access to the usually locked armory. It had proved to be an easy task. But always Helen kept a close watch on her movements, always sure to check on her at least once on every one of her waking hours.

  
    Shepard was sure she could get passed her. After all, she had yet to slip up. Now, it was down to watching the shift changes of the staff. Eight and eight, with a minute window for her to slip out of a back receiving door. They allowed her to dress normally, so she didn't need to account for the gown. Until she made the frontlines barriers would work, rather than having to steal some armour from a hospital. That was the boundary line Shepard made in her concessions to return to the fight. Now it was down to the matter of waiting.

  
    Eight pm arrived slowly, but without anything of note happening. Reina left with the last word and headed for a back room. Shepard wasted no time, the pillowcase brimming with supplies already tucked beneath her legs and under the blanket she rested under. The patients able to watch her said nothing, ignoring her as they usually did. Even slipping by a few without a word, perhaps they wanted the same thing...just lacked the gumption to do it. A few more steps and she would be on her way to freedom! The door was unlocked, so no loud exit and things were looking-

  
    Shit.

  
    The most frustrating, and familiar black hair streaked with grey waited for her. Helen's back was still yet turned to her, but she was waiting. Turning, the dark brown eyes looked at her curiously, but they weren't surprised, “I won't stop you, but please. Just talk to me first.”

  
    “Why?”

  
    “Why? I want to know what your plan is,” Helen sighed.

  
    “I can't stay here; I need to be with my squad.”

  
    “Do they need you, or do you need them?”

  
    “They need,” but she hesitated.

  
    “How would you even find them? Would they allow you to fight? Do you even know how far away they are?” Helen questioned, bringing to light the amount of planning Shepard did not do.

  
    Jane muttered words that were ultimately pointless, no explanations no answers, just excuses that seemed more foolish with each word that emptied from her mouth. Helen was patient enough to listen to her struggle with the words.

  
    “Do you have a death wish?”

  
    “Of course not,” that Jane could fight. Wringing out her hands as she blatantly lied.

  
    “It isn't weak to admit that you feel that way,” Helen braved a step toward Jane, “many people have lost ones that they care about. I lost my husband and my son.”

  
    “I'm sorry,” Jane felt the bile rising in her throat, all these lives that she was partially responsible for, “I just can't sit on my a-, butt and do nothing. Enough people have already died for me, here, on Mindoir, Akuze, the Normandy- I can't be the one left alive anymore. Everyone I love is gone. If I can just help more people while I can.”

  
    “Would they want you to throw yourself away?”

  
    “No, of course not.”

  
    “Then why act this way?” Helen grew cross.

  
    “Because it's my choice, they left me on this hell. I'm not going to shoot myself, or jump off of a bridge or anything stupid.” Jane huffed, it was hard to describe the mix of things going on in her head. Most of her was still processing the loss, still holding on the faint shards that they might be okay. Logic told her they were dead, but heart refused to completely believe it. Either option was painful, with the latter being worse- had they intentionally left her behind.       
    The woman sniffled, placing a palm against her eye.

  
    “Hey!” Jane didn't mean to shout, adjusting her volume quickly“Why...why are you crying? I don't mean anything to you.”

  
    “It isn't all you,” Helen proffered a gentle smile, she understood how Shepard felt. She was also left all alone after the war, scarred and bruised. Too old for anyone to take notice of now. “I am also thinking of my son, imagining if he felt the same way. Even if I were gone, I wouldn't want him there with me. Maker knows I want, wanted him to be happy. Maybe it makes me a foolish old lady, but I see him in you. You don't talk much, well, about anything real. I see the sadness behind your eyes, the loss and pain you refuse to acknowledge. And it makes me cry for you. Imagining him, you being in such pain.”

  
    Jane was silent, leaning her back against the cold exterior of the building. Her hands folded over her chest, defending herself against the things that turned into bile in her throat. Some wounds didn't want to heal. Not even after years of the event being over. It was much simpler to swallow it down, to soldier up and keep marching. The Alliance did not have time for fucked up soldiers. The pain drove her to try her damnedest to never lose anyone else again; it was her strength. The Shepard secret.

  
    “You might think it makes you strong, holding it all inside. But, at what cost?”

  
    Jane's grey eyes connected with the brown ones staring her down,  “A fair one.”

  
    “What has the fair cost done for you? I don't see anyone with you? Do you even have anyone looking for you? You're alone.”    

  
    Jane's mouth was wide open, watching the woman take confident steps to the door. No longer able to watch her, Shepard pivoted, angrily swatting at the tears in her eyes. What did she know? What did anyone know? If being alone now meant saving the galaxy, was it not the noble thing to do? So what if she lost her home? Others certainly did. Lt A, Helen, Reina.... Everyone lost someone because of this war. Shepard, the hero, wasn't allowed to have it all. That wasn't fair...even after she had already lost so much.

  
    The click of the door never came, so skewing her face to show proper disdain she faced what she hoped was an empty trucking dock. But Helen was still there. Watching.

  
    “Please, stay. Heal and then decide if things can get better. If I haven't given up, neither should you.”

  
    “This never happened, if the LT ever got wind of this,” grumbled Jane.

  
    Helen chuckled, “Fine, this never happened. But I do have some news that could make you feel better.”

  
    “What is it?” Arms unfolding from their defensive position.

  
    “Well, we lied about how long you had been out- Your Lieutenant passed along the message to keep you out longer as not to injure yourself. I think two weeks is plenty of time for your biotics to best tested out again.”

  
    That Jane liked. The Lt would never hear the end of this, keeping her under longer- he knew her too well.

  
    “You see that red thing in the gutter? Could you get it down? One of the kids threw it up there,” Helen pointed at the object lodged in the gutter.

  
    The task was far too easy, but it brought her great delight to float the ball down without so much of a headache. Each draw of energy flowed smoothly, even rivaling the ease of her biotics before the attack on Earth. Before she returned it, Jane wanted to push her powers farther whipping the ball around her in circles. Then she grabbed the ball, making it spin atop her index finger. Now Shepard was done showing off, offering it back to Helen. Who immediately turned away with the faintest shudder.

  
    “Would you look at that,” Helen said in wonder.

  
    The Citadel lit up the dark sky, before slowly chugging away into nothingness.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
“Then she had me doing all of these weird errands all the time, I had to carry trays, wash dishes, man, did she keep me busy,” Jane expressed animatedly to white-haired man sitting at her side, over their meal, “then, then she found out I could build, I haven't got any rest since I have been here.”

  
    “I would feel sorry for you recruit, but I think you had the nicer bed not to sleep in,” The Lt said between bites, “You now know what it is like to have a wife; nag, nag, and more nagging.”

  
    “I'm so glad you have that opinion of your long-suffering wife,” Helen interrupted from behind her.

  
    Jane turned with a broad smile, “Lt this is-”

  
    “Helen,” The Lieutenant muttered reverently.

  
    “No, please don't let me interrupt you, I want to hear more about your wife,” Helen remarked in playful crossness.

  
    The Lieutenant abandoned his plate and nearly knocked over the table as he reached for the woman behind him. Taking her securely into his arms, peppering her scalp with gentle kisses. Jane was watched at first in a mix of confusion and slightly disgust; it was like seeing her parents kissing. But then, it turned to happiness, because it was like her parents kissing,; but without the grossness of knowing she came from them. A sentiment she would have liked to keep for herself if Reina and half of biotics squad were not slowly stalking the table in unison.

  
    Shepard felt something unpleasant and dark churning within her insides.

  
    One of the biotic's by her side nudged another, “Is that really Mr. Alenko?”


	4. Should Have Been Home Yesterday, Yesterday

The shuttle rattled, and the wind whistled against the metal as the vehicle sailed over the ocean. Inside the vessel was silent. Two of the figures sat close to each other, hands grasped in each others. The Lt was falling asleep, and Helen watched him with reverence, eyes following each dip of his chest as his breath entered and exited his mouth. The warm breath caressing her cheeks as the man slumbered against her shoulder. Jane watched from the opposite corner of the shuttle, turning away as Helen's eyes regarded her curiously.   
  
    It wasn't completely because she was being watched, her eyes had latched to the holoscreen, watching the dots representing their journey away from London. Still, she weighed out the options of jumping ship.  
  
    The months since the reunion of the Alenko's moved quickly. Helen   
decided to follow the convoy Roy and Jane had formed. The threat of danger had dissipated with each step toward reestablishing their links to the rest of the galaxy, first the short range communication made it possible for the Alliance troops to coordinate. Transportation meant the refugees and civilians could be taken out of the city. The restoration of grid power and reprogramming of tech made life easier in all areas, and soon the Raider groups had been eliminated or fled the country. But London was still in need of many repairs, and the Earth's total need for reconstruction meant that supplies were limited, and the most damaged areas still were isolated- little news of the outside world reached them.  
  
    Jane remembered the morning she had first been forced to consider her future after the war. The first rays of light kissed the clouds breaking away, for the moment, the clouds of rain that lazily rolled over the interior of the city. She sat high on a power relay, connecting some of the last nodes to previously destroyed wires. She had last track of the time, working well into and through the night without yet feeling the pull of sleep. Shepard was ready for the power to be restored to the last section of the city, and getting it done ahead of schedule was always nice. At least the Alenko's could see that finished before they left in a week. Roy was too old, and Helen was getting homesick.   Jane was also unable to sleep, conflicted over losing them.   
  
    The job finished, she took a moment to look over the sunrise. Still waiting, and still wishing.   
  
    “Jane, honey, would you come down?” Words no more than garbling to the woman in the sky. But the colors of her person and sound of her voice familiar, Jane was quick to clamber back down the pole. Hard hat removed to reveal white-blonde hair, shaved on both sides but left long in the center. Just longer enough for Jane to run her fingers through the hair to adjust them to a somewhat more presentable condition.  
  
    “Jane, I would have talked to you last night, but I see you were busy,” Helen's tone was half admonishing.   
  
    “Sorry, Ma'am, but it's done now,” Jane put on a big smile.   
  
    “Well, that is something,” Helen wasn't interested in the power, and felt rather awkward, “but having the job done means a new start to another job. Which brings me to-.”  
  
    Jane's smile faded it was already difficult putting out a happy face for both of them, but she would attempt to joke, “I hope this doesn't mean I've-”  
  
    “No, no!” Helen interrupted, “Roy and I have grown quite fond of you. I-we were hoping that you would return home with us. We need help with the Orchard and Brewery, you have farmed before and are quite a skilled handyman... we would be more than happy to pay you.”  
  
    Jane's eyes went wide, heart almost stopping. The first wave of emotion was a crescendo, her chest filled with elation, and pride. They wanted her near. Even without ever hearing of her connection to Kaidan, or knowing who she really was. Yet, yet... she could not leave. What if they were coming back for her? What if they were stuck in the same situation? They wouldn't find her as quickly there. Or worse they would think she had left her crew behind.   
  
    “Really, I-”  
  
    “Why are you hesitating?” Helen asked earnestly.  
  
    “I'm waiting for someone,” it was hard to admit, like pulling the first brick from a dam.  A dam that held back the possibility that they would never return.  
  
    “It's been over a year, Jane.” Helen didn't need to say it, as the two thoughts struck in union.   
  
    “I-”  
  
    “That was unkind of me to say,” Helen apologized softly, “just think about it. You know when we are leaving.”  
  
    That was all one week ago. Shepard had left the Alliance that day, citing that she had finished her job. Not that her name was real to begin, but that would take them to weeks to find out. Then, she left on a soul searching journey. Finding herself back on base the day the Alenko's were leaving.  
  
    Helen cried seeing  Jane, and Jane cried too. Unable to withstand the sobbing woman before her. That was less than one hour ago.       
  
    Jane didn't know what had led her back, leaving the Alliance was a move on both choices. It allowed her the freedom she finally needed, to either run or return to Canada with the family. It had appeared as if instant gratification had won over her in the end, and it was easier to start over somewhere that she was wanted. A job, a chance to ease into civilian life. With people who cared about her, even if they were the family of an old lover. Perhaps one day she could tell them. For now, she could tell the best stories of Kaidan even if they would not know it for years. One day, perhaps, her memories could mean something to them.  
  
    The weight of her choices weighed heavily in her heart, even unseating the sickness she felt from the rocky shuttle. Now she returned to her pacing of the length of the hull, following the lines of the interior with her eyes. Helen was patient enough to not say anything about her erratic behavior, or her last minute arrival. All things could be said in time. Roy was purely happy about the situation, erasing all awkwardness between them.   
  
    “This is a broadcast from Galaxy News Radio-” boomed the shuttle's speakers, “- Earth Sector. For the first time since the Reaper invasion of Earth, we would like to welcome Earth back to our program. For those on Earth, we can catch you up quickly-”  
  
    Helen shook Roy awake, and Jane took a position to the nearest speaker, “-The Mass Effect relays have all been repaired to working order. The Citadel had been home in the Widow system for six Earth Months, and many planets have regained communication again. The Reapers are gone, thanks to the sacrifice of Commander Shepard.”  
  
    “The poor dear,” murmured Helen morosely, “at least they are together.”  
  
    “But fear not citizens of the Earth. The Normandy and the rest of her crew, have been found safe. The story of the Normandy and exclusive interviews from the crew will follow shortly. Remember, you heard it from Galaxy News Radio first!”  
  
    The cabin was silent. Helen and Roy looked at each other in disbelief. The Lt was utterly brimming with optimism and joy, rambling off about his son. Offering words of how he knew all along that he was just fine, that Kaidan was a survivor. Helen started with as much energy but began to fall silent as their companion turned pale. The Mr kept rambling away, even after she had stopped answering him. Instead, Jane had become much more interesting. Tried as Helen could to keep with the crazy life Kaidan lead, she struggled to keep up with the most current details. But now, some things started to fall into place, and some people began to make a lot less (and a lot more) sense. Jane always did seem like she had something stuck in her throat that she could just not say.   
  
    Helen's musings lead her to forget the time, and before any of the passengers knew it they had made it to their first stop.  
  
    A whoosh of air meant Jane was the first from the shuttle, ducking behind the first piece of cover she could find to exhume the contents of her stomach. Roy, entirely unaware of everything followed after her being the one to ask about her sickness, and she shoved it off as general motion sickness, in a move typical of the woman.  
  
    “Where are we?” Jane spoke as she returned to their sides, looking up the high rise before them.  
  
    “Our first stop, we used to live here in Vancouver before the first Reaper attack, but the home was ruined. We just want to grab a few things; then we will be out and on our way inland.”  
  
    Jane nodded, pulling the lone pistol from her holster. It had been months she had last used it, but still, it remained at her side. Though now she was dressed in a soft cotton t-shirt, and jeans instead of military gear. Nothing high fashioned, but comfortable. The look Jane mistook for frustration from Helen was met with a small shrug, once a soldier always a soldier.   
  
    “Let me lead the way,” Jane was here as part protection, who knew what could have infiltrated during the months they had been gone, “What floor?”  
  
    The route to the apartment overlooking the English Bay was uneventful, with nothing but tenants moving back in left behind. The integrity of the building had been restored (Jane had been checking),  but the rest of the repairs were left for the owners to fix. The door slid open quickly to the presence of the Alenko's.  The carpeted living room covered in debris, and the fireplace a charred and empty hole on the wall. The kitchen was ransacked, and the panel of glass now shattered told the fate of the flat. If Jane had entered here without the family, she would have never known it was them as everything personal, to Helen's dismay, had been ruined on purpose or by time. Roy pointed to the open corner between the kitchen and living room; the bedrooms were down that way.   
  
    With every step, Jane was met with more anticipation, with another feeling that conflicted in her gut. The first room was the master suite- like all the other rooms in had been ran through. The bed upturned and all memories violated. The violation continued to Jane being there, standing in this very room. It just felt wrong. She should be back in London, whispered one voice. Tell them, Tell them now, whispered another. The loudest whispered they abandoned you. Louder, and on a loop until it was all that played in her mind. Her hands shaking the pistol she clung to like a lifeline, blindly following the steps of the ones before her.  
  
    She needed to run. She needed to scream. She wanted to cry. Jane wanted to be alone.   
  
    “Helen, did you know this boys password?”  
  
    “No, did he leave a hint?”  
  
    Roy sighed heavily, “It just says the foods of our people.”  
  
    The laugh that left Jane's throat was completely involuntary. Roy and Helen both looked at her, soft, warm, and kind brown eyes.   
  
“Beef, Bacon, and Beer?” Jane suggested softly.  
  
    The door slid open, and the two gave her a questioning look in unison. Helen was the first to turn away after a gentle, knowing smile. Roy was more stubborn to turn away, “What was that, recruit?”  
  
    “It sounded like a very Canadian thing to say, Sir,” lacing the last word with all sarcasm she could muster, “I hear it is a delicacy.”  
  
    “Watch your words; now that are you on the clock.” The Lt threatened with a smile.  
  
    Jane responded with a roll of her eyes.  
  
    The room was left perfectly intact, models of various ships hung from him ceiling. Posters of the Alliance, Blasto, and superheroes lined the walls. The bookcase against the far wall drew her to the books, running her fingers along the worn spines. If not comics, they were fiction books about settling the vast and unknown space. Kaidan hadn't lied. A gentle caress overtook her hand, muting the blue glow seeping from her skin. Helen smiled at her gently.  
  
    “If you want to go, we can join you in a moment.”  
  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
    Jane threaded her fingers through the unruly mass of blonde hair, now it hung past her shoulders, but still the sides remained shaved. She had tried growing out the sides once, but to only end up in an accident involving a few moving gears and a saw. Jane didn't need another lesson like that in her lifetime, so her hairstyle was decided. She flinched as her fingers moved over the bruised skin hiding beneath her mane. Jane needed to stop getting hurt, and fast. Helen kept fretting over her, and soon her secret would be soon revealed if she kept it up.  
  
    Flipping the half-finished chair over she began to sand carefully the legs taking her time to make sure that each leg came out feeling like silk. It was this careful and slow work that grounded her, months without a real fight had her finding other ways to level herself. The wood did that for her, seeing the slabs turn into something was cathartic as it got. The hours, splinters, and frustration of each product worked away her rough edges.  The activity also proved to be a wonderful way to pass the time, fillings the days with work she could be proud of. Work that never harmed another creature.  
  
    “Another one? How many chairs are you making?” Helen's voice was an abrupt return to reality, as usual, “I hope whoever is paying you is paying well.”  
  
    Jane had told her the set was for sale, like many of her other pieces. But she had a bigger goal in mind.  
  
    “Yes, ma'am.”  
  
    “You know me far too well for ma'am,” Helen huffed.  
  
    Jane stopped her sanding to grin at her, revealing the latest bruise across her face, “Old habit, sorry.”  
  
    Helen tutted, inserting herself directly into Jane's space touching the bruise with all the grace of a Krogan. “Another one? Are you fighting to make money, again? I hope you would tell us if you are in trouble with money after I gave you a good tongue lashing that is.”  
  
    That had been another lie, the fighting part. Jane hissed at the touch, yanking her face away, “No, no. I'm not in trouble. Wood isn't cheap.”  
  
    Another lie, Jane was starting to feel like a horrible person with all the stories she had. But these were for a good reason.   
  
    Helen sighed softly, but her lips parted in a smile. “But I had a reason for being here.”  
  
    “That is?”  
  
    “Kaidan has offered to take me off world for a long vacation. I was wondering if it would be okay if we left you in charge or the orchard?”  
  
    Jane had learned not to flinch at the name anymore. She was happy for her; he hadn't been around to visit. From what she heard, the Normandy was busy. A tour around the Galaxy for nothing but politics and baby kissing. Shepard was still making the news, with a new dedication or memorials happening at a frightening rate. She had been promoted three times in her death; now she could tote that in front of Kaidan- if it were not for the entire not coming back for her thing. The Normandy had still not graced the Earth, in a very strange turn of events. But even then, the ship had been completely turned back to the Alliance, any of her alien squadmates were gone from that deck now.   
  
    “Yes, but I do have a few appointments to make in Vancouver.”   
  
    Helen grumbled something Jane did not bother understand, “If you must Jenkins is available.”  
  
    “How long will you be gone?”  
  
    “He has shore leave for two months, longer if he chooses.”  
  
    Jane nodded, returning to her task. But Helen remained.  
  
    “I was hoping you would make this harder,” Helen finally admitted after another minute of silence.  
  
    “Should I be upset?” Jane asked carefully.  
  
    “I'm worried about you being alone, so-” Helen paused, fidgeting with her omnitool, nervous hands having to pick over the technology several times as she faltered. Jane just watched with a raised eyebrow.   
  
    “Helen?” Jane questioned after the woman began to huff softly. This usually meant there was a problem, "it usually works better when you let the window load."  
  
    “I-we worry about you, and I think you need someone, something to look after you,” Helen looked at the door, sighing again, “Plus, Roy would never let me get one if it was just my idea.”  
  
    Jane grew more curious, and worried, “Helen?”  
  
    Helen gave Jane the most undeservedly crossed look the woman had given any single person in years. Jane pouted. The older woman threw her hands up and marched for the door, leaving without so much as another word. Shepard was left to blink rapidly until she felt herself enter reality once again. Picking up the sandpaper to resume her current project, Helen's odd behavior nearly forgotten.  
  
    Until a thirty seconds later when she came back into the room with a squirming, furry, and black twenty some pound mass in her arms. Jenkins, red-faced, came running in after her hefting a nearly identical puppy. Jane looked between the two with concern, repeating her name again.  
  
    “So I got you a dog,” Helen announced proudly.   
  
    “Two?” Jane choked.  
  
    “No, one is mine, but I need to ask another fa-”  
  
    “Dog sitting?”   
  
    “You aren't mad?”  
  
    “You shouldn't have,” she admitted. This just made her plans harder, but the thought counted. Jane didn't know if she could care for the dog and herself. But the intent behind the gift was evident- Jane needed a companion to keep her out of trouble.   
  
    Helen beamed quite proud of herself, “Besides, she's here to watch you too. Hold her, and I know you'll love her.”


	5. Take Me Home, Now

The gigantic bows of the red cedar and hemlock speckled the forest with dark shadows, only the most direct beams of light pierced through the thick canopy. The path before her was littered with needles and moss, creating patches of green and brown across the forest floor. Early morning was always eerily silent- even the trees refused to give way to the wind in the fear of creating noise. Most mornings, but not every, where spent among these giant trees. There was something about the wisdom of these old trees that drew her in.  The silence did not judge her.  
  
    Her heart quickened at the familiar knot of roots; she knew the distinct bend of her path because the gnarled roots reminded her of the Thorian back on Feros, the twisting limbs and they always were slick with dew. Perhaps no one else would see them that way, but she did. It always made her feel apprehensive, with a twinge of excitement. What would wait for her around this corner? Bravely she ascended over the mass of roots, and around the overly large trunk to find nothing in her path. The sun illuminated the empty circle. It was not one of those mornings.  
  
    The thumping of her throat calmed, and her steps slowed. She stepped into the circle, guarding her eyes with a hand from the light that would blind her. She thought of tugging the hoodie tighter around her, but that was a minor inconvenience compared to the sun. Her thought process leading her into an avenue where she didn't pay heed to the shifting of gears and metallic clicking until it was too late.  
    “Shepard?” The voice required a second call to be heard, “Shepard?”  
  
    “Who-How?” Her mistake was turning too late. A shot piercing through her shoulder.  
  
    But now it was time to run, to flee her assailant before another shot could cripple her. But there was another mistake, running at full speed without checking what she could be hurling herself at.  Falling hard on her ass, a single bright light pinned her down. The machine clacking and clicking as it approached pointing a long rifle at her heart, the hot barrel searing through her flesh. The other being approached from behind and waited. The one with the rifle clacked again, as the feminine voice responded in similar clacking.   
  
    A third figure materialized through the trees, looking over the scene with disinterest.  Pausing between Shepard and the machine unhindered, he looked down at her.  
  
    “Kaidan, help,” she pleaded softly.   
  
    “You're on your own, Commander.” and he was gone.   
  
    Rolling to her side, her feet kicked to gain purchase against the dirt and needles. The debris spurred her exit from between the two enemies that threatened to end her. Her legs grew heavier with each step, but still she pushed forward. Propelling herself at the price of her palms ripping against the bark she was almost there, almost away where the machines could not follow her. Another tree, another smear of blood left to dribble down the trunk of the tree.   
  
    Rounding the tree, she crashed into the harsh sand of the beach. The world going dark as the red light from a Reaper's beam engulfed her, but the sound was one of an omni-tool blipping.  
  
    Jane should have learned to bring Edi along with her. Not the EDI chasing her in her sleep, but the dog she had pushed upon her by Mrs. Alenko. It was terribly sentimental to name the New Foundland after the AI, but she could think of nothing other for the animal. She had blurted it out really, and the name stuck. But she missed the creature all the way back in the interior, while she messed around in Vancouver.   
  
    Judging by the sun pouring through the plastic sheet windows, it was time to wake up. Groggily she forced her feet over the edge of the couch, sighing gently as her omni-tool flickered. So the sound was just not from her dream after all.    
  
    “To Whom it May Concern-”  
  
    Oh god, what did Jenkins want now? She had the Alenko's permission to be away from the house and winery, it wasn't like she was sluffing. There was at times scant enough for her to do.   
  
    “I regret to announce that my tenure-”  
  
    Blah, blah, blah. Flowery, flouncy speech turned a fifty-word max message into a near essay on his reasoning for leaving the service of the Alenko family. His excuses for leaving that day comprised an entire separate essay. One Jane started to read over, but was soon interrupted by a call from the LT- the piece was forgotten. The LT's call was short, which Jane did appreciate, but she cut it short claiming a prior obligation. Less chance of being overheard by a certain party member.  
  
    Besides, she had an apartment to continue furnishing. The absence of the Alenko's made it easier for her to sneak off to Vancouver in her spare hours. She could even spend the nights in the city without questions. At this rate she could have it finished before they returned home. The trip being extended another month only helped, even with Jenkin's sudden departure. Jane wanted to be gone before they returned. With the loss of Jenkins it would be a shock, but she could no longer stay. There was little for her to do- it wasn't worth having her as the hired help. Also, every day she spent in the house brought her closer to being found out. She felt as if she was cheating them. Knowing, being who she was.   
  
    At least she could return their other home to them. It was something to pay them back with at any rate. In a week the glass wall would be replaced, and that would be the final remaining detail of her project. After that a day or two, at most, or cleaning up and the place would be ready for them. Her notice given, it the form of a cowardly note. But it had to be.   Didn't it? If Kaidan had been angry after Horizon, boy would he be livid now. Assuming that he cared, and that it wasn't an awkward reunion.  
  
    Thinking all of this was foolish. Dreaming about it turning out differently was asinine. Hello, the real world was calling.  
  
    Jane spent the rest of her day in the apartment, with the only breaks being a food run and potty breaks. But she enjoyed it, working with something physical was her type of relaxing.  For a while, she could forget about the Alenko's, the dog, and Jenkins. Even the war would slip away for those precious hours while she worked. She feared how empty she would be without everything once it was over. But the fear of rejection was a better source of drive, so, of course, she would go through with her plans.    
  
    Bitter thoughts were quickly interrupted by worse news.   
  
    'Jane- the dogs got out. It's storming, but I am done. Sorry.'  
    Fuck Frank Jenkins.  
  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
    Of course, the fluffy, giant dogs were afraid of thunderstorms. Or course they could not stick together as they both fled in horror from the tendrils of lighting lapping across the sky.   
  
    Jane searched frantically too distracted by the amount of time that had passed since the dogs got out to dress appropriately. So it was a light hoodie and jeans that were quickly soaked by the rains. She was smart enough for boots, but mostly out of the necessity they made themselves as she fixed the Alenko's apartment. If anything, her feet had yet to be injured by the cursed apartment.  Wishing she could be back in the flat was at the forefront of her mind as she trudged through the muddy rows between the grape vines. Calling, almost hopelessly for Edi.  
  
    Bailey had been found first, as he curled under the beams of the deck loudly whimpering. He was picked up and placed in her bathroom to be cleaned later. Now that Jenkins was gone, she would have to clean the house of any mess. Jane knew better than to let the carpets get sandy, or wet. Helen would somehow now of this tragedy as it was no need to make it worse.   
  
    Edi was close; she could hear the dog howling with each booming of thunder. Jane picked up her feet she had only started to worry as the sounds did not get further away. For whatever reason, Edi was not running at each blast and was stuck in one spot. As she got closer, the animal got louder. Between rows of grapes laid Edi, her head lifting as Jane cantered next to her. The whimper with the next boom of thunder was softer as her person's hands threaded through the wet hair, pulling the dog into her arms with a soft cry. The puppy usually squirmish in her arms was still save for her soft shivering. Typically using her biotics was a rare thing, but she wasted no time in enveloping them in a bubble of blue energy.   
  
    The trip inside the house was slower than she liked, but the mud made for poor grip, and she dared not to drop the dog. Carefully picking her path was a slow process, and still, the mud slowed her. Clinging to her boots, sucking her heels into the ground- it just made Jane angrier with each step. Angrier now that a light was on in the house. Was Jenkins foolish enough to rob the place?  
  
    No, not Jenkins. Another nightmare, Helen.  
  
    Lifting the dog gently with her biotics, she removed her caked boots at the sliding door. Once her boots were removed, the puppy was back in her arms as she slid into the house. The two stood in the kitchen facing the calling terminal; Roy was the first to turn around and look at her. Helen followed blocking the view of the person on the terminal.  
  
    “Jane! What is this?” Helen cried.   
  
    “Me, holding a wet dog,” the answer was amused as words through gritted teeth could be.  
  
    Helen sighed, folding her arms.   
  
    “You weren't supposed to be home yet.” Jane got to her real concern. They had passed the two-month mark, but they had just let her know last week they would be gone longer.   
  
    “No, plans changed,” Helen answered morosely.  
  
    “Is everything all right?”  
  
    “Yes, Helen is being dramatic. Kaidan had some semi-urgent business to attend, so we got out of his way,” Roy explained, “He's staying in Vancouver during the storm. He insisted upon staying at our old apartment, stubborn kid.”  
  
    “Fuck,” Jane blurted out. Helen turned pale and raised a solitary finger. Warning one. “Sorry, ma'am,”  
  
    “Better question is what happened to you? Soaked, covered in mud, and carrying Edi?” Helen tsked between the first couple of words.   
  
    “Jenkins that shi-, jerk let the dogs out.” Half of Helen's second finger began to raise.  
  
    A male voice chuckled from behind the Alenko's.   
  
    “Bailey?” Roy prodded.  
  
    “In my room.”  
  
    “Do you need help, honey?”  
  
    “No, thank you, Helen. I can handle it,” she assured, backing a step,   
“I'll get them cleaned and dry, you two should get to bed. It's late- early.”  
  
    Shepard had made the corner without being interrupted. Who were they calling at this hour? Oh, shit.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
Edi was the easier animal to get bathed and cleaned, by a long shot. While the animal was not bleeding, she did not attempt to get up. Jane had narrowed down the source of pain to the dog's leg; the puppy probably pulled something while she ran around in fright. The extranet would likely have what she could do for the dog, but she would feel better taking Edi to a professional, even in the hurry she was in. Yes, that would be the excuse to leave the house in the early hours of the morning. But not before both dogs were bathed and dried, she couldn't let the dogs suffer because of her. She worried that they would get sick because they were still so young. Wrapping her in a dry blanket, and setting her next to the heat register she went for Bailey next.  
  
    The pup had sensed her hurry and was wound up. Dashing to each side of the room as she tried to corner him. Bailey did not like baths and did not like the unease he felt emanating from Jane. The puppy was quicker to collapse, and the opportunity seized. Though, that break lasted only long enough for him to be shoved into the shower. Jane had to give up her pride and start the shower while she was fully dressed just to begin washing the rambunctious dog.  Bailey was promptly asleep as Jane wrapped him up.  
  
    The next step in her escape was cleaning her now mud trodden room.       
  
    But that was easy; she never understood why Helen got so angry about mud on the carpets. Must have been an old time Earth thing.   
  
    But haling a shuttle was harder- that meant more waiting. Time she didn't want to give. It was flighty leaving in such a storm of emotion. The worse could not have even happened.  Jane could walk back into the kitchen and behold a silent room.  She was overthinking, acting too rashly over a chuckle. But Maker, was it driving her up a wall. Edi being hurt didn't help, her attachment to that dog...  
  
    “Mary.”  
  
    Shepard paused, her head first tirade into the kitchen ending as it began. Throat clogging as the air from her chest was whisked away.   
  
    “Shepard,” the word softer than the first, reverent.  
  
    Arms crushed around her middle, tight, firm, warm, familiar. His breath trembled against her ear. Mary almost gave in- but pushed away.  
  
    “Don't touch me,” she hissed.  
  
    “Shepard, why are you-”  
  
    “Jane? Kaidan is that you?” Helen interrupted, with Roy trailing right behind her. This scene was becoming quite a crowd.   
  
    “Jane? All this time?” Kaidan's arms folded, lips creasing into a thin line.  
  
    Her defenses activated, “I didn't know.”  
  
    “You damn well knew now!” His pitched elevated.   
  
    “You didn't come back,” Mary cooed in contrast to his near scream.  
  
    “You were dead!”  
  
    “You promised,” Mary rubbed at the base of her skull, “I waited for a whole year, Kaidan.”  
  
    “You two know each other?”  the Lt dared to question.  
  
    “Obviously,” trying to hush her husband.  
  
    “I-I have to go,” backing from the three, not daring to take her eyes off of them, “Edi is hurt. A shuttle is coming.”  
  
    “The hell you are,” his arm glowed blue as he pulled a stool into Mary's path, “you can't just leave not now.”  
  
    May's retort was to throw the chair back at him, but he caught it. The chair wafting in midair between them. Both fought for control of the stool.  
  
    “Kaidan! Jane! There will be no biotics in this house! ” Helen intervened between them, facing Mary, “Kaidan, you will put that chair down and leave her alone. Jane, you may leave and take Edi. But you will return in three nights for dinner, or so help me.”  
  
    It was debatable who dropped the stool first, but all the same, it scattered across the floor.   
  
    Mary took her chance to fetch Edi. Kaidan's back was turned to her as he leaned over the sink. Helen and Roy on either side of him.   
  
    “Shepard-”


	6. In Your Head, In your Head

Mary's head swiveled, and her body followed after fist glowing blue.  
  
    “Oh, it is just you?” She questioned gently.   
  
    “No, I wouldn't risk the wrath of the all mighty Shepard! ” Roy cajoled, lifting his arms in surrender.  
  
    “This is why I didn't want to tell anyone,” Mary remarked.  
  
    “Well, I did see you upchuck every time we stepped out of a shuttle, but then again you did bullrush a Krogan, I am not sure what I believe about you.” His eyes finally surveyed the apartment around him, slowly gathering in the sight around him. Mary couldn't find a room to stay in, so she had to use the apartment. Helen and Roy were happy, Shepard not so much.  But she needed a place to stay. Roy resumed the conversation, “Helen is going to have a heart attack.”  
  
    “Don't-don't tell her, not until I am done.”  
  
    “How long have you been working on this?”  
  
    “Shortly after we got to Vancouver, I was hoping I could repay you for what you guys have done for me.”   
  
    Roy acknowledged her statement with the quick flick of his eyebrows, “Helen's going to be delighted to know you aren't street fighting.”  
  
    “I'm having rotten enough luck with this project,” Marry added, smoothing over the bruises across her knuckle. Part of this project was an outlet for her anger. She wasn't careful, with herself, the construction efforts she had made sure to do well.  It was perfectly to code; it had been inspected.   
  
    “So, why the deception?” Mr. Alenko got right to the point.  
  
    “I don't want to be Shepard,” Mary pulled in a deep breath, “Shepard had to do awful things.”  
  
    “I would think the life of a hero would come with a lot of perks,” He suggested, plopping himself down on the couch.  
  
    “I'm no hero.”  
  
    “You saved the Council. You defeated the Reapers, saving countless lives. I think that makes you a hero.”  
  
    “I also took many lives, some I didn't feel any pity for. A system of 304,942 batarians and part of me was glad.” Mary hissed into the bookcase she was putting back together.  
  
“Because of Mindior, right?”  
  
    “Yes,” Mary flinched at the mention of the colony she had grown up in. Why did everyone feel they could mention it so casually? Having her past, her scars thrown back into her face was torture. It was the same of Akuze. Why was her trauma public domain? “But that isn't right. There were children, innocents.”  
  
    Roy was silent, letting her cool down. He didn't have the words to make her feel better. Or to soothe her. He was still processing what her real identity meant in relationship to his world. He was aware of her involvement with his son. Of what she meant to Kaidan. His son had pulled a brave face, and had moments of real happiness during their tour, but there was always something below the surface haunting Kaidan. He hadn't said a word. Jane-Mary was much the same, pained by something she refused to speak about. They were both block-headed.  
  
    “Helen wanted to make sure you would come to dinner tonight,” Roy mentioned as Shepard's scowl had finally waned.  
  
    “I figured your visit was too much of a coincidence,” Mary said with a smirk, sliding the last book into the shelf.  
  
    “You know Helen, she runs the show,” Roy murmured, flicking his head toward the door it was time for them to get going.   
  
    Shepard followed after him hardly speaking until they were in the shuttle and headed for the orchard. The rattling vehicle reminding her of a much-needed doctor's appointment.   
  
    “Lt, you aren't disappointed in me? Are you?”  
  
    One of his eyes opened, “No, Recruit.” He said with a smile.  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
    Helen had Mary and Kaidan running around, so they did not have the time to do more than look at each other in passing. Mary made sure to keep her eyes down- for the most part. All had gone well until the salad got involved. Shepard had kept her eyes down to the point of walking into the biotic she was trying to avoid. The greens and purples went flying- to never hit the ground. Each leaf caught between her and Kaidan. The bowl clattered against the floor, empty. Still keeping the leaves in mid-air he swiped the bowl, urging it back into her hands with an awkward grumble. Fingers brushing hers on pure accident.  The frustration from such an even pulled each leaf of salad back into the bowl as Helen called for them. Dinner was ready and on the table.  
  
    Helen was kind enough not to make her sit across or next to Kaidan. Roy across from her, while Helen sat on her side. The dinner was almost as Canadian as Mary thought it could get; steak, lagers, and potatoes. Helen did go for wine, but it was all there. Helen started the dinner, hand the first plate to Mary.  
  
    All was silent, until Kaidan half way through his steak could no longer hand his sentence of silence.  
  
    “So, how did you guys meet?” pointing his knife in turn at the three.   
  
    Roy went first, “Well, I found Jane-Mary after my patrol ran into her single-handedly taking out a raider hideout.”  
  
    Helen was next, “Mary was put into a hospital I volunteered at because her rattled implant had given her a seizure.”  
  
    “Your Biotic's Division students found your father and I after we had been pinned down in a parking lot,” Mary started to clarify, “I was out, and woke up to your mom there.”  
  
    “You must have known who they were,” Kaidan's tone bordered on anger.  
  
    “No, I didn't. Your father was LT, or Lt. A. Your mom was Helen, I was too preoccupied to notice if I had heard their names. London was rough.”  
  
    “She didn't tell you the best part-- she was actually why we found one another again. Your father had dropped her off and left just before I had arrived,” Helen gave a look that ranged from cross to smiling at Roy, “if I hadn't convinced Mary to-”  
  
    “Mary to what?” Kaidan asked harshly.    
  
    Roy's eyes raised, he had not heard this one either.  
  
    Helen blubbered incoherently.   
  
    “I tried breaking myself out of the 'medical facility' in London,” Shepard grumbled.  
  
    “And I was the stubborn one?” Kaidan murmured with a half chuckle.   
  
    “You are the stubborn one; you wanted to stay in that hospital!” Mary grinned in retort.  
  
    Helen grew concerned, “Kaidan, you were unwell?”  
  
    Mary interrupted Kaidan, “His implant was rattled. Some AI from Cerberus-”    
  
    “Mary! That is more than enough!” Helen interrupted, but louder.   
  
    “Phhft, try taking a Reaper head on with a laser,” Kaidan returned the challenge.  
  
    “No, a Thresher Maw with little more than a pistol, not to mention Kalros.”  
  
    “Who is Kalros?” inserted Roy.  
  
    “Mother of all Thresher Maws. Tuchanka was great. Headbutted a  Krogan, even got myself a breeding request,” Mary was almost too proud of herself.   
  
    “Bull. Or it was Wrex,” Kaidan turned a little pale, “as a joke!”  
  
    “Jealous, Alenko?” Offering a challenge Kaidan just could not ignore.  
  
    “Well,” Kaidan chuckled, avoiding his mother's gaze.  
  
    The table returned to silence. Utensils scraping against plates, glasses bottles clinking against the table.    
  
    “Mary, I regret having to do this, but I need to talk to you about something.” Helen broke the silence this time.   
    “Yes?” Mary questioned.  
  
    Roy and Kaidan both looked up from their meals.  
  
    “We no longer need you at your present position at the house; I hope you understand,” Helen spoke nonchalantly. The men both went wide eyed.  
  
    “Yes, I can be out quickly,” Mary forced herself not to visually recoil. She knew this was coming.  
  
    “No, I want to give you two weeks. Come and go as you please, until then.”  
  
    “Yes, ma'am.”  
  
    “Mom-” Kadian began to argue.  
  
    “Now, now. I believe this is not the place, Mary, if you wish to be excused, I will allow it.” Helen's gaze settled on Kaidan.   
  
    Mary nodded, taking her newly opened beer with her as she retreated. Well, she was more okay with being dismissed than she thought. Mary was relieved. Now it would not be awkward on her part. Helen couldn't keep her around after this. It was too awkward for Kaidan. Mary didn't know how Helen felt about her being Shepard; she likely felt betrayed. And now no longer trusted Mary.

  
~~~   ~~~   ~~~  
  
Shepard leaned against the deck, her now warm beer at her elbow. Her eyes wandered to the stars, unsure of how they made her feel. Her thoughts were with the members of her old crew. Did Liara know she was still kicking? It was something the Shadow Broker would know. How was Rannoch? Did Wrex have his first brood of children yet? Was Joker all right? Would he be angry at her? Garrus would laugh, and make some comment about nothing killing her. Vega would coerce her into drinking; that was for sure. But no, she was here alone. About to be kicked out of the home she knew.  
  
    Reality, as usual, was harsh.   
  
    “I don't think I have ever seen anybody make my mom cry that hard,” Kaidan's warm voice echoed beside her, a gentle laughing rolling from his mouth as he jumped. It was pretty obvious to see she was lost in her thoughts.  
  
    “Oh,” the word came out flat.  
  
    “I can see this is not the time to talk about that, so um, you're blond?”   
  
    “Yeah, originally,” still keeping her answers short.  
  
    “I like blondes, or just Shepards...really.”   
  
    Mary eyed him, suspicious.  
  
    “Look, Shepard. I don't want to make the same mistake I did on Horizon, I-I,” his voice croaked, “I lost a lot of time I could have spent loving you because I decided to be angry, and not to trust you. Even if it doesn't mean actually being with you, because that is presumptu- Look. I am glad you are alive.”  
  
    “Don't worry about it, Kaidan,” a slow smile drew across her features, “It's good I got to see you again.”  
  
    “I just want to know, how are you? Really?”   
  
    “Good, fine.”  
  
    “Please, Shepard,” he drew in a deep breath, looking out over the orchard, “The war was hard on everyone. I want to know how you are holding up inside.”  
  
    “I'm fine. Mostly fine. Just the dreams are hard to deal with, but I get by.”  
  
    Kaidan turned his entire body to look at her, grasping for her elbow, “If you want to talk, you know how to reach me.”  
  
    “I still can never get a 'it's going to be all right?',” Mary huffed teasingly, pulling away from his hold, “I need to get to bed, I have plenty to do.”


	7. What's in your head, in your head

Mary hovered inches above the ground, straining to reach the window above the fully loaded bookcase. It was a simple application of a gel but had been held off for her second to last project. Mary wasn't a fan of being in Kaidan's childhood room; it felt like she was intruding. The room had also been the one with the least damage- a lucky accident. So the room waited, with a single crack along the window to show the damage left behind by the Reaper invasion. Well, had a single break. The sealed filled and dried over the crack without a hint of damage, without regaining her footing on solid ground, she admired her work. Absently dusting the top of the shelf with her wrist.  
  
“You know, I always dreamed of having a pretty lady in my room,” Kaidan's voice woke Mary from her thoughts, the blue glow dissipated as she landed.  
  
“That was too much information, Alenko,” she teased, her lips pulled into a smile. After all, she was happy to see him.  
  
“Heh, well,” giving his half snort, “so carpentry?”  
  
“Yeah, my dad taught me,” but Mary had something important to challenge him on, “So, arrive here all on your own?”  
  
“Some obnoxious, but well-meaning old man said you might be here,” Kaidan admitted while running a hand through his hair, “All this work you have done, it has made me realize something. I have never heard you talk about your dad before.”  
  
“Oh, never?” Mary started to shuffle as her face fell into neutrality.  
  
“We, I, never had a chance to talk about ourselves. Hell, I don't even know your favorite color, your favorite food, what holidays you liked.” Kaidan leaned his back against the wall, blocking her exit.  
  
Shepard resorted to looking at the floor, “I suppose the Reapers or Cerberus was all we could talk about. Well, all but our small sanity checks.”  
  
“Yeah, those were good. Really good,” his tone grew softer, “I would like to know those things.”  
  
“Kaidan-”  
  
“Don't Kaidan me,” this time, his arms remained folded, unaccusing, pleading, “please, we need to talk.”  
  
Mary started to huff and shook her head. No. It was a no.  
  
“Sit your as-butt,” Kaidan had just spent months with his mother, “down, please.” Unfolding his arms to sweep over the corner of the bed, and the desk chair. Shepard had no choice as she slunk into the single person chair, folding her arms with an expression that was not entirely pleased. Kaidan took it anyways.  Plopping himself in turn on his bed, back propped against the headboard.  
  
“Look, about London-” Kaidan went first.  
  
“You left me there,” you, entirely plural. It wasn't just Kaidan, but Garrus, Tali, Joker, Liara, Vega, Cortez, hell even Javvik. Words harsh, but whispered. Head bowing to hide the turmoil that was rapidly boiling to the surface.  
  
“We were stranded for weeks, then traveling took months. By the time we had reached the Citadel they were moving it out of Earth's orbit, you had been confirmed gone,” Kaidan struggled to explain, even at the time the evidence had been too sparse. As the months, year ticked by it had consumed him. Mixing with his grief in a cyclone of emotions he could hardly control.  
  
“You didn't look; I was there. I watched. Waited,” felt guilty for being alive. Anger for being betrayed. Pain, for the loss.  
  
“Shepard, they had your armour- your blood. You made me leave you, again. I didn't think there was a third chance, I was a mess,” his words grew heavy and stuck in his throat, “Why didn't you contact me? Why were you someone else?”  
  
“I'm not proud of what Shepard- I did.”  
  
“Bull. You defeated the Reapers,” staunchly defending her at his next breath.  
  
“I could have saved them,” Shepard removed her gaze entirely from him, hiding behind the curtain of hair, “Edi, The Geth. They didn't have to be sacrificed. I was afraid to die, too cowardly to die. I wanted to live, to be with you again. So I let them go- I killed them.”  
  
“Shepard,” Kaidan cooed, swinging his feet over the side of the bed, “How? What happened to you on the Crucible?”  
  
“The Illusive man was indoctrinated he saw it, in the end, and killed himself. Anderson was with me, but he died from his wounds,” the first of many tears fell, “I still don't know if what I saw was real. This kid, he let me choose what I would do. Red to destroy the Reapers, but all synthetic life would go with it. Blue to control them. Green, to sacrifice myself to merge all organic and synthetic life.”  
  
Kaidan was silent, attempting to understand what he had just been told.  He had questions, several of them. But none of them felt right to ask. She was obviously upset, distraught. Was it selfish to be glad she did not sacrifice herself? Surely the universe owed her one?  Her survival was so odd. How could she have survived the entry into Earth? What had really happened to her? It wasn't important, what was important is that she was here. Here to be held, loved... or left alone if needed.  
  
“Without you, my parents would be dead,” Kaidan finally murmured and clarified.  
  
“You can't know that,” Mary argued with a shake of her head.  
  
“I do. My dad talking about this amazing soldier that saved his ass more than once. My mom, finding someone to care about when she thought she had lost everything,” Kaidan inched for her, “Shepard, you saved me. By being alive, without you I-” his words stumbled into a void. They didn't need to be said.  
  
Mary turned silent.  
  
“I can never repay you for what you did. I owe you. If that means apologizing or begging your forgiveness. Even if it means leaving you alone, I'll do it.”  
  
“How about if we are just even? I was glad I could do something for you, you never asked anything of me,” Mary found a soft smile enough to make her brave enough to face those warm eyes.  
  
“Even? I like that. I guess I should consider myself lucky that it did not take two years,” Kaidan's dry humor seemed to return.  
  
“Just you wait, Alenko.” Mary threatened.  
  
“Aye, Aye. Commander.”  
  
“Not for much longer- though I believe I was promoted to at least Major in my death,” Shepard gently snarked, watching as Kaidan's look grew more confused.  
  
“Not much longer? Are you leaving the Alliance? What about the Spectres?”  
  
Mary's grin grew wider at his questions, “After you showed up that night I informed Alliance Brass of my whereabouts, Hackett almost had a heart attack. I'm in some trouble, but I think they will let me off easy. Being a hero and all. The Spectres is another matter, when/if I get back to the Citadel. They have enough to worry about without me getting involved.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled, before returning to a serious tone, “why are you leaving the Alliance?”  
  
“I can't fight anymore; I have killed enough. Or gotten enough people killed,” Mary smoothed down her jeans with two fingers, “I need time to figure me out. Time to make myself a life that is not aboard some frigate.”  
  
“What are you going to do?”  
  
“Now? I don't know for now. Don't take this as a pity thing, but things are tight right now. Turns out I spent all my credits on fixing this place. But I'll be fine, once my funds are no longer frozen.”  
  
“And after?”  
  
“How would the others take to me being alive?”  
  
“Garrus would make a comment about you never staying dead. Liara, she'd definitely cry. Joker would probably tell you another joke about not staying dead,” Kaidan spoke with a soft smile, “Shepard, they would throw you the biggest party.”  
  
Mary laughed into the back of her palm, erupting in tears once again, “What I wouldn't give to see Tali use an emergency induction port again. Or to see Wrex, he was the best drinking partner.” Her gaze softened, lulling her back into melancholy. Kaidan dared to whisk a few tears from her cheek, his palm lingering.  She never had this openly cried in front of him.  Civilian life had softened her up.  
  
“I imagine you could use this as an excuse to scare the shit out of Joker, and he would be happy to break a bone.”  
  
“Oh, Edi,” Mary shook, withdrawing completely from Kaidan's grasp, “but no parties. I want to help. I could go to Rannoch; I could help them build. Tuchanka, even.”  
  
“Wrex is already bragging about his children, I won't show you the vids,” he said with a small chuckle, “He will send you plenty of them. Tali and Garrus are happy. Separated, but each of them has their own planet to rebuild.”  
  
“Or Palaven, I never considered there... it would be somewhere new,” Mary mused.  
  
“Did your dad teach you how to build? I've got to say; I'm surprised this is in your ever-growing list of talents.”  
  
“Yes, he did. Colony life did not allow even a child to live without doing some work. But woodworking was special,” her tears being replaced by a sad smile, “he said I needed to learn how to build out of wood so his grandchildren would know what 'real' furniture was.”  
  
“He sounds great.”  
  
“He was. I'm glad I learned before he was gone,” Mary cleared her throat, stifling the desire to continue crying, “I owe your parents so much. It was the least I could do for them.”  
  
Kaidan smiled in her direction, inching his way passed the distance he had lost from her, fingers brushing against her knees, “My mom will be upset for a month,” a slightly devilish smile slid out, “but you look good Shepard. You looked great before, but civilian life looks good on you. You're sleeping, you're eating because there is no way my mom would let you starve. It makes me glad.”  
  
Mary raised an eyebrow, trapping his fingers beneath her own, “careful, Kaidan. I might get the wrong idea.”  
  
“Mmm, what idea would that be?” His hands gently grasped her outer thighs, pulling her ever so closer.  
  
“I won't be sure until you send me a private message stating what you want,” Mary relentlessly teased. Leaning forward to rest an inch from his face.  
  
“I'll, uh, get on that right away, “ but Kaidan was more confident than she could have imagined, closing the gap between them. A hair's distance from touching, the warmth emanating from their lips tangled. An adventurous hand finding itself pressed into the crook of her back. Pulling her slowly from the chair, into him.  
  
“Don't keep me waiting too long,” she purred, taking the invitation to slide into his lap. It was all too natural, too familiar. It was what she wanted. The warm pressure of his hands resting on her hips, arms blanketing her thighs. She was so in love with him, and he was so in love with her. It was so easy to slip, so easy- easy for their lips to meet in a whirl of passion.  
  
“Shepard,” Kaidan reverently whispered, taking the last breath before he plunged.  
  
Thunk, Thunk, Thunk. The alarm in the house also beeped, stalling both parties both a hair's width from each other. “Delivery for a Jane Smith!”  
  
“Kaidan, I have to get that.”  
  
The last project left tying her to Earth.  



	8. Who Must Be Mistaken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly Smut.

Mary peeled the clothes from her body, following her usual pattern for the last time. Helen and Roy were away, much on Mary's suggestion she had conned Roy into taking Helen to the apartment. It also acted as a way for her to leave without having an emotional or awkward goodbye session.  Everything left was packed, a final night here and she would be off. Luckily, she was alone.  
  
Things with Kaidan, well she was not sure if that was a thing. They had gotten so close, just to have it ruined for the installation of a glass panel. Then Mary had meetings to attend, and not even a dinner could be managed. Kaidan left, and that was it. Was it for the best? She was leaving the Alliance, and he was staying. It would be hard for her to remain separated if they were a thing. They had already lost and found one another too many times. Now she just wanted to be held, to be with him without some regs telling her no or how to do it. Wasn't it just a romance born out of war? When that war meant that they might die alone if they had not been together?  
  
It would hurt, but keeping herself busy would be the cure. Tali was more than pleased (after she stopped celebrating), to have her help on Rannoch. The Alliance was all right with that, and could give her some job there while they debated what to do with her. A stop to the Citadel on the way would unfreeze her accounts, and everything would then come together to some sort of normal.  
  
Or so she hoped.  
  
The shower seemed to bring all these issues to the forefront of her mind. It was never enough to live the situation. No, she had to be utterly consumed at every moment.  Consumed to the point of missing the jingling of Edi's tags as she moved around the room, and the click of the bathroom's door as it opened.   
  
“Shepard, don't leave.”  
  
Mary scattered the bottles lined on the ledge, pressing herself into the corner of the shower. Glowing a faint blue even from behind the steam sticking to the glass shower walls.  
  
“Kaidan, I'm-”  
  
“Please, Shepard. Just hear me out,” he pleaded, keeping his eyes fixed on the tile.  
  
“Sure, all right. Stay here, or just--”  
  
Kaidan was lucky to find a woman unashamed of her body; Mary didn't even act in the pretense of covering herself. Rather she took his bold barge into the shower with some humor, offering a smile rather than being annoyed with him. He didn't return the smile, red eyes an indication of his mood.  
  
“I, uh, I don't want you to go. Not again. I meant what I said; I can't stand to lose you again,” Kaidan stepped forward, subjecting himself to the pelting water unphased, “Mary. Before you rush off again, I just need you to know I love you.”  
  
Another step, and he was almost on top of her, “Not that this has to be an 'us'. I care about you, and-and I want to know you are safe. That's, that's all that matters.”  
  
Was now the worst time to stifle back a snort? He looked so pathetic, so sad standing beneath the shower. The water forming rivers down his casual uniform. Brown eyes were retreating as they threatened to brim over again. But he was her pathetic person, and there was no way he couldn't know that.  He had to know.  
  
Still half lathered, she pulled his hips sharply into her capturing his waiting mouth in the next moment. The first seconds had Kaidan frozen, shocked, but at her urging, he responded. Soft, warm, needing. Arms encircling her slick back in fear she would slip away. Uncaring of the soap that soaked through his shirt, oh but the brush of her skin against his. Their lips entwined as if the last time they had kissed was just moments ago.  Returning to each other was all they craved.   
  
Kaidan pressed her back against the tiles as his hands wandered to her rump, urging her legs around his waist. Pressing her up higher to no longer need to stoop to kiss her. His tongue probed her lips requesting permission to take the kiss further. Grinding into her core as tongues tangled, her hips colliding against his rutting. Though as hard as she tried to ride through the pain, Mary hissed. The belt buckled rubbing quite uncomfortably into her tender parts.   
  
“Got it, not here Shepard,” Kaidan rumbled into her ear. Rather than easing her down, he kept her held to him. Grinning as he shut off the shower with his power alone, each door his back acted as the battering ram, all to save his lady the inconvenience. Following his actions through by sitting himself on the edge of the bed first. After this, it was her game.  
  
Mary took his prickly cheeks in her hands just before easing him into the mattress with a kiss. Curious fingers teased at the boundary of his shirt, threading under then along the hair covering his abs. Moving along to appreciatively dig her fingertips into the solid muscles of his pectorals. Parting only long enough to strip the wet shirt from his torso. But Mary had other ideas, as her lips trailed down his chest. Each kiss closer to his navel resulted into a harsher tremor, as she moved along the happy trail Kaidan strained to keep himself from bucking. The twinge of blue betrayed the control he was trying to exert over himself.  Mary chuckled into the metal of his buckles as she wrangled it off with her teeth, maintaining perfect eye contact with him.   
  
Her teeth grazed the band of his boxers, shimmying the pants and boots from his lower half. Eyes shimmering in mischief as velvety kisses trailed up his calf, around his knee and up his inner thigh. Trailing teasingly over the fabric of his boxers, focusing a few sloppy kisses along the raised bulk of his member. Drawing a groan from the biotic. Before she had time to make good on her promises she was grabbed and pulled to him. Hungry kisses prying her mouth open in seconds, her form being pulled under him. The hungry kisses trailed to her jaw.  
  
“Shepard,” he whispered into heated skin.  
  
The next placed at the pulse of her throat, “Shepard.”  
  
Mary's body tingled as his lips brushed against her inner wrist, his scruff leaving a wake of prickled skin as it ascended to her shoulder. Each time her name whispered reverently, lovingly.  His lips continued the scorching path between her breasts, to dip into her navel.  Teeth tenderly grazed over her hips bones; his words only made heat in her belly grow. The faint blue glow between them had no clear beginning or end.   
  
Kaidan paused a moment as he parted her legs, a lingering kiss pressed into her core, “Shepard.”  
  
To only the slightest bit of disappointment, he moved to her inner thigh, another kiss, and another whisper. Atop her knee, then peppered down her calf with each whisper.    
  
“Kaidan, please,” Mary murmured, attempting to not ruin the moment. But he was happy to comply, crashing their mouths back together just as soon as he could shake the clingy boxers from his body.   
  
Settling between her legs, he kissed her without the urge to hurry. Slowly unraveling her below him with gentle thrusts against her, but not yet entering. Mary could wait. He certainly did not want to rush this either; he needed the soft feel of her skin. The brush of her pert nipples dragging through his coarse chest. Thin fingers, ever so impatiently, dug into his backside guiding his hips into deeper thrusts. Mary never saw the point in waiting or going at anything with less than full speed.  But she would have to forgive him.  
  
His fingers wanted to thread through each lock of hair, to hear her cries as he plucked at her most sensitive areas.  His lips to taste her struggling, and want as she struggled against him.  But his need worked against him, not immune the delectable friction between their bodies. He was ready and growing impatient in his own need. But he needed more, more of her skin more of her warmth. Kaidan was afraid she would be gone at the moment this was over.   
  
He adjusted- but not in the way Mary excepted. Careful to not crush her leg he rolled to his side, gathering Mary's back into his chest offering out a thick arm to cushion her head. Lips immediately pressed into her neck, as a hand guided her top leg over his. The hand attached to the arm beneath her head pressed her flush against him, once her leg hung over his the hand joined the other smoothing over the shape of her hips. Teeth nipping into pulse of her neck, eliciting a soft mewl.  She was about to do more than that.  
  
He pressed his head against her entrance, teasing her with the pressure against her core. Mary squirmed against him; Kaidan was forced to capture her mouth. Slowly easing her mouth open as he slid in, slowly easing his length into her. His free hand brushed to her belly, spreading over the smooth skin. While the other kneaded her breast, it filled more of his palm then he remembered. He had noticed it the first time he had seen her again, she wall fuller. Not big, but she had been eating. Her edges were not so sharp, bones no longer patterning her rib cage. Mary was healthy, sleeping regularly, and happier. Almost alien from the strung out Commander he had watched defeat the Reapers.   
  
She was perfect before, just now she was radiant. Almost flawless skin, but some bruising along the knuckles that kneaded into his backside. Flexing with each even stride, he made into her. Time was no concern for them here. No longer on a ship where they could be interrupted and the house empty of everything but the dogs. Kaidan would take his time to watch her unwind, to count each bump as her skin responded to each brush of his fingertips. To watch the pink highlights of her cheek darken to red. Memorizing each micro action in her shifting against him.  Her moans at first soft turning more desperate at his slow pace continued.   
  
But God forgive him; he couldn't bring himself to take this any faster. He didn't want this to be a quick fuck, but the first of many times he made love to her. With the Reapers gone, they had time to be together. Kaidan could take her on dates, treat her to a picnic overlooking the Grand Canyon at dusk- surely she would roll her eyes and mumble about how there were much more impressive depths to behold, but she would secretly enjoy it. Time to dote on her in public, now without her military life complicating the chain of command. Lord have mercy on the soul that would try to take this woman from him, and for the first time, he thought of the future with her. How bleak anything was without her.   
  
“Kaidan,” Mary pleaded, waking him from his trance.   
  
“Impatient, Shepard?” Kaidan whispered into her ear, linger at her earlobe.  
  
“Mmm, trying not to be,” speaking through bottom lip that was caught between her teeth.  
  
He chuckled, twirling a nipple with the pad of his thumb, “You're the boss.”  
  
Whether she had answered or not, he was too busy to listen. Snapping his hips forward suddenly, filling her to the hilt. Her sharp moan meant she was happy. He pulled back and snapped into her again; her nails dug into his flesh as she met his next thrust. Moaning approvingly for him. Fingers walked from the apex of her hips and brushed by the ridges of her hips bones to her center. Circling and tugging that bundle of nerves between his two fingers, sending her thrashing against him. Requiring him to pin her down with the flat of his other hand. Suppressing his grin into her neck as he teased her further feeling the first twinges of pressure behind his member.   
  
Mary's nails bit into his backside, drawing angry lines behind them. Her walls quivering around him. Release for both of them had been so long ago, and Kaidan found himself releasing before he knew it was happening. His fingers worked over her clit faster to find Mary protesting against it. Her release had already coincided with his, and the attention still hurt.  He withdrew from her instantly feeling guilty for his lack of control.  
  
As if reading him before he could protest vocally, Mary forced him to his back. Kissing him forcefully, before rolling over and off the bed. Kaidan followed her by sitting up, watching her rummage through his clothing.  
  
“Anything you need?” Attempting to keep the concern from his voice.  
  
“Omnitool?” She questioned, looking at him with a soft smile. It was sometimes hard to believe this woman had faced several Reapers head on.   
  
“Left side, the button for the sleeve.” The same place it had always been, but she seemed to know what. Activating the device just as he mentioned the place. It was still programmed to respond to her biosignature, some things he could not get himself to change after all that time. “What are you doing?”  
  
Mary grinned from behind her shoulder; it turned sheepish as his gaze remained, “I, well, I have to leave in the morning. To the Citadel, then directly to Rannoch. My orders, until they know what to do with me, Hackett says a board decision. I think they don't want me to leave.”  
  
“You're the damned best soldier the Alliance has ever seen, but that still doesn't explain what you need my omnitool for. It's still my private device,” he meant to chide her playfully, but it came off harsher to Mary who wavered.   
  
“You're right, I'm sorry,” disengaging the device in mid-stream, “I didn't think enough about any of this before I started.”  
  
“No, I didn't tell you to stop. I just want to know before you hack my extranet feed, again.” Sure to paint his face with a small grin, in addition to his furled brow.   
  
Mary rolled her bottom lip between her teeth before smiling at the Major, she chuckled but would never admit to it.  She still remembered the advertisements that popped up around the Citadel in a flashy gossip piece about them, images of them kissing very sloppily plastered across the screens and pillars. “I was going to give you the coordinates to where I am staying in Rannoch. If you would like to visit me some time.”   
  
Kaidan nodded, “I would like that.”  
  
“But only if you want to. I, we might have lots of military business to attend and things-” Mary immediately moved away from anything resembling feelings.   
  
“Business immediately after playing with me, you really are something,” Kaidan commented before her rant could end, “This isn't just pillow talk Shepard: I love you. Now get your ass back to this bed.”  
  
“Who is the impatient one now?” Mary teased, placing her coordinates somewhat slowly into his device.   
  
But not even a second after that was finished she leaped back into bed. Curling into his side with a gentle sigh. Waking up the next morning would be difficult.


	9. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to anyone who read this.
> 
> Check me out on tumblr at nothisis-ridiculous

“Shepard.”  
  
Mary turned over in her bed, pulling the thin sheet tighter around her. Even for how arid Rannoch was, she could not manage to sleep without some cover. Edi shuffled at her side, then bounded off the bed her dog tags chiming obnoxiously in her excitement toward whatever was disturbing Mary's sleep. Mary didn't have time for that business; she wanted to sleep.  
  
Her name came again, and after she continued not to react a bulky figure piled into bed next to her. Scruffy kisses peppering the short hair that lined most of her skull, resting to kiss along the cartilage of her ear. Her name whispered into her ear again.  
  
“Kaidan?” a grumbling whine came from Mary's mouth.  
  
His laughter erupted gently from his mouth as wrangled the sheets from her, sliding his hands appreciatively up her bare legs. Before placing a kiss on her forehead.  
  
“You know what time it is, right?” Mary murmured, attempting to snuggle into his warmth.  
  
“For you, Civilian.”  
  
“Only took six months,” Mary huffed, finding herself slipping back into a comfortable sleep. But Kaidan had other ideas, nuzzling into her hair with his nose.  
  
“What Shepard, did you not miss me?” Kadian prodded, slipping his hand up the large grey shirt she wore.  
  
“I do, I just have become very attached to my sleep in my old age,” yawning and rolling away from him, getting the hint that he would not just leave, “but I see you won't let me. Do you want to talk somewhere that we won't be overheard?”  
  
Shepard had learned quickly that Tali's walls were thin, hearing her private conversations were more than enough to warn Mary away from being too loud in the house. She didn't ever want to learn about the intimate details of the relationship between Tali and Garrus.  The reach and flexibility thing must have worked on lots of ladies, maybe in another life on her.  
  
Kaidan was the first from the bed, pulling her with him. Mary gave a lopsided smile, rubbing at an eye as her hands were freed. The other pushed through tangled hair, trying to force into some order. Kaidan was already impatient for her to get moving, so she didn't want to spend time in the bathroom before heading out. So she was left to scouring the room for something that would work as pants. Most Quarians would not be out at this time, so Mary assumed any embarrassment would be minimal.  
  
“I was wondering where that shirt went.” Kaidan interrupted her search. Mary had a habit of swiping things left in plain sight from time to time.  
  
“It's been so long, is it even yours anymore?”  
  
Kaidan smirked, watching Mary shimmy up her Winnie the Pooh shorts, regarding her curiously, “Pooh bear? Is that appropriate?”  
  
“Is this a formal event?”  
  
“No. Of course not,” waving her off before rubbing at the back of his neck, “I wonder how you found another pair, is all.”  
  
It was her turn to raise an eyebrow, “Do they not do it for you? Or do I need to take my shirt off?”  
  
“As much as I would like that, Shepard. No.” Kaidan chuckled.  
  
“Oh bother,” Mary murmured, pressing the center of his chest with her finger. Kaidan swatted it away by taking her hand, leading her from the house.  
  
Shepard was content to follow his path to a hilltop with a view, the kind of place teenagers would go to make out when they thought they were being sneaky. It was near the buildings, so it was not far, and the kids could hide if caught. She was more than content to follow him, wiping the sleep from her eyes and trying to shake the tired feeling out of her muscles. At least the night air felt somewhat bearable in shorts and a t-shirt. Never mind what Kaidan's military uniform must feel like. Arriving at the overlook, Mary finally felt awake.  
  
Or she just realized that Kaidan had returned to her side. Taking him by the belt loops she attempted to claim a kiss, but he hesitated and shook his head. Mary turned away, facing out over the overlook. Folding her arms and kicking a rock over the ledge. “So, how have things been? Any assignments you can talk about? How are your students?” There was no answer, so she turned completely around.  
  
“So Rannoch's been great. Tali's fun, if that matters,” trying once again to get a response. But there was nothing again, but another shuffling behind her.  
  
“Shep-”  
  
“I mean if this isn't wor-”  
  
“Shepard, please.”  
  
So he could interrupt her? Or was this some odd dream.  Mary whirled around, her expression fell. Her heart quickened, her hand covering her mouth. The Canadian was blushing and waited for her on one knee. His brown eyes looked at her sheepishly, but the corner of his mouth twitched into a smirk. The black box was kept in an iron tight grip, each of his breaths revealing the quaking he held back. His mouth twitched as his words stuck in his throat, “Mary would you marry me?”  
  
Her head nodded if possible retreating behind her hand.  
  
“Shepard, you should say something,” Kaidan said with a laugh.  
  
“Yes, yes. A thousand times yes!” Her words were lost, so she blurted out the first thing that came to her head. Mary meant yes, and surely a thousand times over, just in her searching for a perfect answer they were the words that came to mind.   A line from an old Earth vid that she would never admit to watching. It was hidden in the way most people would bury a porn vid, behind files in other files behind a password. To have these be the words she found was embarrassing.  
  
“I also kind of need your hand.”  
  
The ring was simple- flat, with inlaid gems. Any bulk was not compatible with Mary's lifestyle instead she needed something that would not get caught. Her pinky and middle finger rubbed against the ring, admiring it in the dim light of the stars. Before offering her hand to Kaidan, urging him to rise. Guiding his arms around her waist, taking his face in her hands.  
  
“When we tell this story, I'm wearing something much fancier,” Mary giggled, an inch from his lips.  
  
“Actually, I have something else,” Kaidan halted her advance again, glancing to his right.  
  
“More?”  
  
The biotic grinned dashingly, and Mary grew concerned- well concerned as her plastered on smile would allow her to look.  
  
“Shepard,” She would know that old Krogan's voice anywhere.  
  
Her friends from the Normandy spilled out from behind the structures, many with shit eating grins. Liara, Tali, and Traynor seemed very pleased with themselves. They must have been part of the mastermind behind this plan. Javik and Jack tried to act like they didn't care, but at least Jack gave away a slip of a smile. Protheans were just hard to read.  
  
“Didn't know you were such a Pooh fan, Lola,” Vega the first to comment on her most unusual piece of apparel.  
  
Mary pulled away from Kaidan, folding her arms over her chest. She hadn't bothered to sleep in any support, and her quick exit of the house had not amended that either, “Don't be jealous Vega, not everyone could pull them off.”  
  
“You also don't know the lengths I had to go to acquire those for her,” added in Miranda. Being the first person Mary hugged tightly.  
  
Already Mary felt the water pooling in the corner of her eyes, not sad tears but happy ones. The tears would be delayed a few more minutes as Grunt swept her off her feet in a playful tackle, the young Krogan exuberantly glad to see her back. Their fighting ended as it always did, with the Krogan ending up on the ground this time to a well placed biotic punch to the gut.  
  
“You've gone soft, Shepard. The Shepard I knew would have sent him flying,” teased the older Krogan, but his words stopped as the female leaped at him, somewhat awkwardly hugging the big Krogan. His hand tentatively pat her back once, the small chuckle that escaped his lips was the tipping point for Mary. The tears springing from her eyes.  
  
Liara joined her in the tears, and Tali was given a playful slug on the arm in addition to her hug. Jack was wrestled against her will into a hug, murmuring how it was just this once- Shepard had almost died, and that was the one good excuse for this soft shit. Accusing her, again, of being a bad influence on Jack. But Mary was more than pleased feeling the hug as a sort of victory.  
  
Garrus paused, the flaps on the side of his mouth vibrating, “I can't believe you are crying, Shepard. Did Kaidan pinch you?”  
  
Mary huffed, “Vakarian, you have had your hug privileges revoked.”  
  
“Shepard,” The turian pulled in a hard breath, pulling her into a tight embrace, “I'm the one who told Joker to fly the Normandy away from Earth. It's my fault; I shouldn't have let ruthless calculus leave you behind.”  
  
Mary would have been better off without this admission. Something in her gut twisted then released, no, Garrus had done the right thing. “No, Garrus. You kept everyone alive, who knows what the blast could have done to the Normandy. I'm glad you did. After all, it was just time. Now that time doesn't matter as much; we have more time for drinks right?”  
  
“Yes, Shepard. Lots of drinks,” The turian chuckled, releasing Shepard from his grip. Not before he could escape a peck on the cheek from Mary.  
  
“Careful Comm- I mean, Shepard,” drawled Joker being the last to shuffle out into the clear, “you might make Kaidan jealous. We don't need any of the crew dying after the war; it might look bad.”  
  
“Joker!” Mary screeched, exuberantly yet carefully hugging the fragile man.  
  
“Well, I wasn't expecting this,” awkwardly offering her shoulder a pat.  
  
Mary's excitement had waned, and her expression fell, “I'm so sorry about Edi, I-”  
  
“The line yes, a thousand times, yes is in reference to the 2005 flim Pride-” countered a metallic yet feminine voice, sauntering up from somewhere behind Mary. It took close to a nanosecond for Shepard's target to change, completely unfaired of hugging the AI as tightly as she could manage.  
  
“I've never seen that film-” Shepard began to gloss over.  
  
“Records indicate the file has been accessed over one hundred and-”  
  
“Edi, no, shhh,” hushing the machine, “is it really you?”  
  
“Yes, Shepard. If proof is needed you helped me reprogram my self-preservation to value the life of my friends, much like you did for us,” Edi finally returned the hug.  
  
If only she knew the truth, Mary couldn't bear to keep it from her, “I'm sorry Edi, I didn't uphold my end of the bargain.”  
  
“No, Shepard. I thought I might need to back myself up at an offline location; my assumption was correct.” It was a token of the good faith Edi had in her.  
  
Shepard wiped her eyes once again as she retreated from Edi, glancing between the group and Kaidan. “Thanks you guys. This means, well, everything to me. Could I just have one moment alone with the Major?”  
  
The group headed back to Tali's place, the appropriate teasing and catcalling not absent from their retreating. Once they were gone, Mary pivoted on her heel. Approaching Kaidan in half a charge, her expression unreadable. He had no choice in the matter as his lips were pulled against hers, the kiss lingering for a brief moment.  
  
“You're awful.”  
  
Kaidan chuckled, “What else could you expect? You should be alarmed that I could keep them away from you for that long.” Keeping the former Commander in his arms, eyes soft as he searched her still wet face. His palm was immediately moving to rectify the situation. “Or impressed, alarmed is a bad word.”  
  
“Thank you,” Mary's voice turned soft.  
  
“Mary,” he hummed, “I hope you know that, that I will do everything I can to be at your side. I can't stand to be without you, or even to think of losing you again.”  
  
“Until the end of time, right?” As much as Kaidan thought he worshiped the woman before him, Mary thought so much more of him. His kindness, the calm and collected manner he maintained without a second thought. He was so much more than she deserved- her title, the things she had done paled in comparison to him. He was the sun, her warmth, her favorite comfort. Her throat seized again with a soft cry, “Please, don't let me go. Not ever.”


End file.
